Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
