Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
