foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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