dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I need water and some morals
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
