She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
