Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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