He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dick very happy bro
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
