sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
