Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
