Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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