nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
