four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
