going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
