I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
