yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
