apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
two words: eviction party
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
