What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
