I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
