Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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