YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
