Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
