the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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