Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
