Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
