9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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