so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
