the condom got lost in my hair
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I didn't notice because vodka
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
