I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
