Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
