yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
