Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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