you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
