grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
40s are totally the cure
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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