It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
