I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
