Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
