And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
