Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
