this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
