Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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