Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm at about main and main street
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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