so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
