I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
