so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Randomize
