I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
