Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
