we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
