What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
