Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I intend to get homeless drunk
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
