Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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