I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
