if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
zippers are such a cool invention
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
