so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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