He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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