Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
