My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
