someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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