Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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